I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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