You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am one with the molecules
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
