So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
