Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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