If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is my gift to your gina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
