Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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