Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
