i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
