im six kinds of drunk right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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