Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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