is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
