i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
