I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I will be naked everywhere
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
