dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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