my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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