I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
