shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
