His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
