I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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