hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found puke in my bra..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we should paint friendship bongs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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