i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
