Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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