k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
