Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
