i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's blow job season.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
