the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
