Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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