Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
