Whod you bang
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
