Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
