Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
