New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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