question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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