I think my fart just growled at me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
