he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
