During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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