We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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