I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
