I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
false alarm, still single
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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