she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
