y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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