i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
