My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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