Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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