Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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