last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
