He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
