Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
