hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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