Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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