Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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