Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
