I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
