I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
