Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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