if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
